My Record Cake Collection

If We Only Knew Then

I found this older post written by someone  whose writing I love. It made sense then and makes even more sense this week as I close a chapter of my life.

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.

You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.

I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.

Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

(via jhnmyr)

Knock him for whatever you want, but the man understands my human experience.

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Pentagon, “It’s ok to be gay, just keep it a secret.”

It’s ok to be gay, sort of.‘ This is what I took away from the announcement that the Pentagon is rolling out new guidelines allowing homosexual men and women to enlist.

Does anybody have any idea how stupid this is? “One senior Pentagon official told NBC News that recruiters were allowed to accept applications from gay individuals, but those who were openly gay would not be permitted to enlist.”

First, how do they know they’re gay if they can’t be open about it? Is there a secret handshake?

Second, you’re only good enough for the US Military if you’re living a tortured life of denial? It’s ok to be gay, just don’t tell anybody? Those are ridiculous messages to send out to any American who is willing to enlist and serve.

NEWSFLASH: There are already members of the LGBT community serving in the military. Frankly, I find it amazing that so many of them are willing to fight for the freedom and liberties of a country that is still denying them theirs.

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What in the hell is going on here?

They look like stoned vampires.

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Birds of a Feather

Within ten minutes, three different friends had posted these three pictures to Facebook. I think it’s pretty clear that I have awesome friends.

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I Have No Fucking Idea What I’m Doing

“I Have No Fucking Idea What I’m Doing’ is easily my favorite blog post ever written. Jenny Lawson is amazing and you should be reading everything of hers if you aren’t already.

My favorite quote from the blog (which could have been stolen from my journal):

“It’s been eating at me for the last week, but I think I’ve finally figured it out.   My five-year-plan is to never be the kind of person who’s stable enough to have a five-year-plan.  It’s technically the same plan I had five years ago, and guess what?  I’m totally on track.”

Read the post: I Have No Fucking Idea What I’m Doing

Read the blog: The Bloggess

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